For the past 5 months, I've been bettering myself. In many ways. I keep my room clean. I keep the catbox clean. I keep my car clean. I sleep better. I perform better at work. I'm better at saving money. I feel 10 years younger than I did 5 months ago.
All of this started when I decided to lose weight. Now, I'm tall. I'm about 5'10. So when I hopped on the scale and found out that I was 300 pounds, I guess you could say I was a bit shocked. It was no secret that I'm a big girl, but I looked nowhere near 300 pounds. My first reaction was to start crying. I was devastated. Disgusted. Totally nauseous. Then I decided that enough was enough. I was tired of living my unhealthy lifestyle.
I've always been a happy and confident person. My weight never really stopped me from loving myself or just being me. It stopped from doing certain things, like rides at carnivals and sitting on certain furniture, but it never deterred me from friends or family or going out. Because, like I said, I didn't look or feel 300 pounds.
But at that moment, on the scale, I felt 300 pounds. I felt completely and 100% out of my body. I couldn't believe I had let myself get so lost.
Right away, I quit drinking soda. Soda was a big thing for me. I was drinking close to 40 ounces of soda a day. I joined a site called sparkpeople.com. My brother's girlfriend, at the time, told me that her mom was doing it. She told me that it was free and it works.
The program basically helps you track your food. There are recipes you can try at home. You earn points for doing certain things like writing blogs and sticking to your daily goals. They have work out videos and a book and all kinds of things to help you. And it works.
I'm not on the program anymore, only because I don't need to be. I already had the motivation, but the website gave me information and inspiration. I still visit the site here and there for a new recipe or a new exercise. And to keep up with the friends I have made. Everyone is so nice and supportive and they make you feel like you're a superstar, even if you've only lost 2 pounds.
My first 3 pounds was my biggest success. Because that was the start of a beautiful journey. In the first week and a half, I already lost almost 15 pounds from the huge changes in my diet and cutting out the soda. I shrunk my stomach, and even to this day my portions have been cut in half, if not more.
The average person should consume 2,000 calories a day. I was consuming about 4,000. And it wasn't that I ate all the time or anything. I wasn't constantly stuffing my face. But I ate large portions of food that were very high in calories. It was a nightmare. And add the soda on top, and that turned my freaky nightmare into Hell.
When I started the program, they have you shrink your stomach. So I went from eating 4,000 calories a day to 1,200 calories a day. After you complete certain stages, your calories change. If you lose weight, once you enter it, your calories change some more. I'm up to 2,000 now, but since I've shrunk my stomach, I don't usually reach that.
For exercise, I walk. A lot. My first night of walking, it was freezing out. And raining. I walked about 200 feet and lost my breath completely. Smoking, on top of my terrible diet, surely didn't help. I almost turned around and went home, but something told me to keep going. Keep walking. Turn your music up, breathe deep, and don't stop. I stopped at least 4 times to sit down on the curb. Catch my breath. But only for a couple minutes. Then I got up and kept going.
I probably only walked about a half mile that night, and by the time I got back home I was drenched in sweat and rain and all of my muscles ached. But by the end of the first week I was walking a mile without stopping. And eventually it took me at least that mile before I was breathing hard.
My biggest support in all of this is my little sister. Brooke is 9, and has the biggest heart I've ever see in any 9 year old in all of my 22.5 years on this earth. She's kind, sweet, and funny. Most children at 9 years old make fun of fat people, but not my Brooke. I guess a big part of me is doing this for her, too. She looks up to me. And I want to be healthy. I've always been a great sister to her, but how can she look up to someone fully if that person doesn't take care of their body? She walked with me a lot the first week. Being supportive. Telling me to keep going. That she was proud of me. I want her to always be proud of me.
I'm writing this post to remind myself of my goal. Because for the last couple months, I've been slipping a lot. I'll drink some soda here and there. I've been over my calories a few times. I haven't really been walking. I'm still losing weight, but the winter just slowed me down. Took away some of my motivation. I just want to remind myself that I'm already 1/3 of the way to my goal weight. And if I can get this far, I can keep going.
I also wanted to write this to remind anyone out there reading this that you CAN do it. You don't have to be skinny. Or perfect. Or a size 0. I'll never be a size zero. I'm too tall to be a size zero. Anything under a size 14 or 12 would probably make me look absolutely disgusting. But we can all be healthy. We can all set goals for ourselves and achieve them one step at a time.
A few tips :
1. You have to really WANT it. If you don't want to change, you're not going to.
2. Walk walk walk walk walk. Walking is the best form of exercise, despite what a lot of people tell you. Working out at a gym is good too, but a lot of the equipment there is for building and toning muscle. You'll burn fat too, but if you want to really see results, walk the pounds off.
3. If you're a smoker, DO NOT quit smoking while you're trying to lose weight. Taking away so much of your body can throw it into shock. Baby steps. Remember, the weight didn't put on overnight, and it's not going to go away overnight.
4. Eat smart. Snack between meals. Fruits and veggies and low calorie crackers make GREAT snacks. Stop eating junk food and drinking soda. Those are all just empty calories and they do nothing for you.
5. Breakfast is the most important meal of the day. It jump starts your metabolism. It's very important. I know a lot of people aren't hungry in the morning or don't like breakfast, but just eat something. Anything. A banana. Some oatmeal. A little bit of cereal. A bagel. Anything. Lunch should be your biggest meal of the day. Don't take this literally and go overboard.
6. Don't stop eating altogether. I'm sure most people know the dangers of eating disorders like anorexia and bulimia. Do not do that to your body. I know a girl who pretty much just stopped eating. She lost a good 100 pounds and she looks great. With clothes on. Her stomach is all flabby and it's not toned. Even her face is sort of hollow and her skin is terrible. Her hair is wispy and thin. It looks like straw. And that's because she deprived her body of the nutrients it needs. If you're going to do it, do it the right way. It takes more time, but good things come with patience.
7. Stretch marks. I know they aren't pretty. And they don't go away. There are certain creams and concealers you can buy to reduce them, but how about looking at them from a different perspective? Here's my take on them. I was 300 pounds. By the time I reach my goal weight and am comfortable enough to wear a bikini, or show certain parts of my body that I would have never showed before, most people would think I'd be ashamed of the stretch marks. But I won't be. My stretch marks symbolize that I was once very heavy. And I took it upon myself to change. And I took the weight off. And yes, stretch marks aren't pretty. But they're my battle scars. They prove to myself that I made it. I set a goal for myself, worked my ass off, and I made it. I will be proud of them.
8. Treat yourself. Once in awhile, it's nice to have something sweet. Or something not great for you. We're human, after all. That's the problem with diets. I hate the word diets. Look at all of your friends who have tried "diets". And how long did they last? Exactly. Because a diet is a quick and easy fix. You hate your image, so you stop eating things that you like. And you hate every second of it. Next thing you know, you're sitting there chomping on celery while your friends are all eating big gooey cheeseburgers and then you're just like "fuck this." That's no way to go about it. If you want a cheeseburger once in awhile, have a cheeseburger. Just count your calories. Take the top part of the bun off. Or cut down on some of the cheese. Or find something equally as tasty, but not so bad for you. And if you go over your calories one day, or "fall off the wagon", then just start again the next day. Keep in mind that you were eating terribly before you started the change, so why beat up on yourself over a couple slip ups when you're actually doing something about it? Don't beat yourself up. Just keep going.
9. Don't do this for the wrong reasons. I'd be lying if I said I didn't want to be thinner, but that's not the only reason I'm doing this. I'm doing this because I'm tired of being unhealthy. I'm tired of being scared to go on carnival rides, or sit on a plastic outdoor chair at a bonfire. I don't want to end up with diabetes at age 25. I don't like not being able to walk for long distances, or how terrible my sleeping is. I want to be a healthier me.
10. Remember, this is a lifestyle change. Erase the word "diet" from you vocabulary.
If I can do this, anyone can. I know that's cliche to say, but it's the honest truth. Before my wake up call on that scale, my life was disgusting. I'm not so much a different person now, but I see things differently. My room was filthy. I had clothes and garbage everywhere. My bed was never made, and you couldn't see my floor. I had fruit flies from cups of leftover soda and moldy food. My car was a mess. I had to move pounds of papers and empty food bags and cups for anyone to fit in the backseat. At work, I wasn't keeping up. I wasn't motivated to do my job. I ate terrible, so I slept even more terrible. So I was tired all day and then I would go home and take naps that resulted in me waking up around 10 pm and staying up all night. It was an endless vicious cycle of unhealthiness. I never had any money because I would spend it all on food. I didn't realize what a disaster I really was, but looking back, I know I never want to be that person again.
I'm nowhere near my goal weight, but I've made a good dent. And I will keep going. And I won't stop until I've reached my destination.
So set a goal. Love yourself. Work on you. It will take time and patience, but it's not impossible. And if you really want it, nothing is stopping you.
I'd like to thank Jamie Green. She's a great friend of mine, and it was her idea for me to make this post.
BEFORE : 300 Pounds AFTER : 256.3 Pounds
