Pricks, Dicks, and Free Food

So, it is official; The chaos is completely over! I say chaos, because that is what the last four days has been. Absolutely terrible.

Just a warning, I'm going to vent my ass off in this post. And most of it will probably be pretty...outspoken. But I deserve it. Because of how civil and proper I am in real life. And the fact that I've had to bite my tongue and mind my manners these past few days. I had to play the good daughter. So this is my blog, and my fingers are ready to do the talking.

As you know, I'm sure, my grandmother passed away on Friday. Don't worry, I'm okay. My grandma's been wanting this for a long time. She wasn't happy being alive, especially after my grandpa died in 1996. Needless to say, I was at peace with this the day I knew it was going to happen. I'm happy for her.

My grandma lived with me for almost 5 years. From when I was 15 until I was 19. Those are tough times for any girl, because we're all super psycho bitches at those ages. So, needless to say, my grandma and I didn't always see eye to eye. We had some pretty nasty fights, but we were also very very close. She was one of my best friends. She knew everything about me and she would always brag to people that she could write a book about me. We stayed up late all the time and had crazy talks about life and her childhood and all kinds of things. She was a great person. She just had a few setbacks.

One of those setbacks being that she liked to talk. And she didn't like to talk about anything positive either.

While she lived with us, she paid my father $400.00 a month. She had her own bedroom with tv and cable. She had her own phone in her room. My father bought the groceries, and when he was done watching the big tv downstairs, he would hand the remote to her. Just keep this in mind for when you read the next few parts.

THIS lovely gentleman is my Uncle Darrel :

Let me tell you all a little something about my Uncle Darrel. Starting with, he's a fucking asshole. He's 53 years old going on a 13 year old girl. If he died tomorrow, the only good thing that could be said about this man is that he played a mean guitar. And that he was really good at spending money he didn't have. He can't hold a job to save his life. He borrowed thousands and thousands of dollars from my grandmother and my father. And anyone else who actually believed that he would someday pay it back. And when he got $12,000.00 back from taxes, instead of paying his debts off, he bought a new laptop, a new guitar, tvs for his kids bedrooms, and other frivolous items that he ended up selling later because he ran out of money and needed to pay his rent. He whines. He complains. And he talks shit like it's a full time fucking job. He's condescending. He's obnoxious. He's rude. He's selfish. And he's extremely ungrateful. He's a fucking fat, pompous prick who thinks his shit doesn't stink and that the whole world owes him something.

When my grandma moved out of our house, she moved with with my Uncle Darrel and his ... lovely...family.
THIS IS HIS ...LOVELY...FAMILY ... :

 The piggy peach to my Uncle Darrel's left is his poor excuse for a wife, Jennifer. The two black girls are Jennifer's from a previous man (obviously). And the little boy is Nathan. That would be Darrel and Jennifer's satan spawn. Literally. The kid is fucking retarded as fuck.








As I was saying, my grandma moved in with them. Into their tiny ass trailer. In their tiny ass trailer, my grandma was giving my uncle roughly about $200.00 a week. And what did she get in return you ask? She got a recliner in the front room to sleep on and a dresser at the end of the hallway. Oh, and Darrel's fancy new television went off at exactly 11 o'clock when he went to bed. Also, she had to provide her own food. And any food that he bought with his or Jennifer's money, was strictly for them. And their kids. Not for grandma.

My grandma lasted about a month there before she decided that she wasn't very happy at all.

Once my grandma moved out, it wasn't long before Darrel couldn't afford his rent any longer. And after coming into some more money and squelching that away as well, they lost their house about 5 months ago.

The first month or so, Darrel lived in his car while Jennifer and the kids stayed at Jennifer's mom's house. Darrel wasn't very welcome there because her parents think he's an asshole. Which he is, so I can't really blame them for that.

Then again, their daughter isn't much better. Because during one of Jennifer's pissy little talks to my grandmother, Jennifer had the nerve to say, "I don't know why Ken doesn't help out. Darrel is sleeping in his car and Ken can't even offer his basement?"

This is Ken :

Ken is my father. My father is a wonderful man. He's hard working. He's intelligent. He owns his own company and he's always been there for his children. He taught us our manners and our ABC's. He's made sure that my brother and I were raised right with good morals and strong beliefs. He's nice and he gets along with everybody. He's funny and brave and he's a man. Like I said before, my dad gave Darrel and Jennifer thousands and thousands of dollars over the past 10 years to help them. And they pissed it all away like it was nothing. My dad employed Darrel at his company TWICE. And both times, Darrel walked out in the middle of the job. Leaving my dad a man short. Of course, my dad forgave him. But let's just say Darrel has run out of chances. So for Jennifer to say that, well that just makes her a super flying thunder cunt.

And if we were to let Darrel stay in our basement, he would probably never leave.

I'm telling you all of this so that I can tell you what happened on Monday night.

On Monday night, I was at Alex and Katie's house. Alex is my dad's sister's son, so he is my cousin. And Katie is his wife. Alex and Katie have also had grandma living with them for the last few years. Alex and Katie have also been letting Darrel sleep on their couch for the past three months.

Actually, let's back up to Sunday for a moment. On Sunday, we had a small barbeque at our house. Most of the family couldn't make it, because it was very short notice, but of course Darrel and Jennifer showed up. Can't pass up free food!! While at my house, Darrel decided to turn to my dad and his girlfriend Barb and say, "I was talking to Alex and Katie about their financial situation. And with mom gone, they really need to slow down on their spending. They eat out too much."

Really? Coming from the homeless bum uncle sleeping on their couch? The homeless bum uncle who eats all of their food and uses their water and watches their cable, but puts NOTHING back into the house? Doesn't pay rent. Doesn't buy groceries. Does NOTHING nice whatsoever. Yes. That makes perfect sense. The married couple, who both have jobs, and have their own place spend their money more unwisely than the homeless uncle mooching off of them. Bravo.

Back to Monday night. I was at Alex and Katie's because we were all sorting through my grandma's stuff. We waited for Darrel to show up as long as we could, but once he was about an hour late, we started without him. He finally showed up, and my dad told me there wasn't much I could do to help, so I went outside and I entertained the kids. There was Nathan (Spawn of the devil) who is 12. There was Lexi, Shane, and Jaysen who are 6, 7, and 8. Lexi, Shane, and Jaysen are my cousin Eric's kids. Eric is Alex's brother.

I played with those kids for about 4 hours. Around 9:40, I was beat. I wanted to go home and go to bed. So I go inside and I say goodbye to all of the adults. I even patted Darrel on the shoulder.

I walk outside and Lexi begged me to stay. She loves me. She's so cute (: And I told her I would stay for 5 more minutes. I'm standing there talking to Eric and I hear my name inside. And it's Darrel talking. So I listen closer and I hear Darrel say, "Mandy was mean to mom. She was disrespectful and rude. Not a nice person at all. She was so mean to mom."

I completely lost it. He waited THIRTY FUCKING SECONDS after I walked out of the fucking door and he's already talking shit. Talking about shit that he knows absofuckinglutely nothing about.

I go inside and I look at him and go, "Excuse me. I'm still here and I can hear everything that you're saying."

The fat coward LOOKS AWAY FROM ME and goes, "Oh, no. I was talking about my mother in law."

For the record, I don't know his mother and law. I've met her ONCE and I said hi to her. That is the only interaction I have ever had with that woman.

So I say to him, "Really Darrel? Your mother in law? You mean the one I've only met once in my entire life? Please, tell everyone here how mean and rude I was to her the one and only time that I've met her. I'm sure we'd all love to hear THAT story." and he says, "Mandy, I don't have to explain myself to you."

So I look at him, and he's still not looking at me. And I lean in very close, and I say as quietly as I can so the kids don't hear me, "Fuck. You."

So needless to say, the memorial and the after party at my mom's family business was a little on the tense side. Darrel only went to the after party for the free food, obviously.

And that's really all I have to say about that. I'm just glad it's over.