Partner In Crime

I suppose I should make myself perfectly clear before I come off as negative. I just want to say that I am not negative. I've actually only been negative for a short period in my life, and I am way past that period.

Here's the thing. I love being single. I love that I have no drama and no "commitment" and no bullshit. I love that I can do whatever I want when I want. I can flirt and giggle and do all of that shit and not have to feel guilty about it.

But I've been single for a long ass time.
And I seriously miss the feeling of being loved. And someone being there for me.

So, why don't you just go out and get a boyfriend, you ask? Yeah. You try it.

Now, I'm not saying that I'm fat or ugly or both, but let's just say that if guys really wanted your personality, then I'd have so many guys after me that I wouldn't even know what to do with myself. I'd probably just end up spinning around in circles and peeing everywhere. That kind of overwhelmed.

Because I have a great personality. I know this for a fact. I'm not a jealous person. I'm not clingy. I'm not confrontational. I've never been great at nagging. I'm not immature or stuck up or annoying or ridiculous, or any other of the fucked up traits that guys put up with in order to be with someone who is physically attractive.
I'm funny. I'm spontaneous. I don't have kids. I have a good job. I have my own car. I have a great family who supports me in every way. I have awesome friends who are just as equally awesome as my awesome family. I'm good with advice and listening and I'm just an all around big ball of fun in a basket.

So what the fuck?

Here's my favorite, "I wish I could date a girl like you."
         Uh....so fucking date me? You know I've been single for 80 years.

"I wish there were more girls like you. You have a good head on your shoulders."
         Uh....there's....me?....with a good head...on my shoulders.

"My girlfriend is so annoying. And she always wants to know what I'm doing and where I'm at and who I'm with. Why can't she just be chill like you?"
         UHHHH...I'M FUCKING CHILL YA DUMB FUCK.

So. There are just a few examples of idiots.
And yeah yeah. I know, I know. "If they can't see what a great catch you are then they don't deserve you."

Shut the fuck up. That's just something that people who are actually happy with someone say to someone who can't catch a great guy.

And then there are a couple of my friends. Who have the WORST personality traits and yet manage to find these awesome guys who are just ready to marry the fuck out of them.

We'll start with my one friend. We will call her Friend One. Original? I thought so too (:

Friend One has not graduated from high school. Therefore, she will never find an actual job (no offense). She will never make enough money to live super comfortably. Friend One has a terrible attitude and an even worse outlook on life and the world in general. She is naive, uneducated, and kind of bitchy. Now, I'm not talking shit. I'm just saying. There are certain things that I and Friend One do NOT talk about because it usually results in a huge fight and not talking for weeks. And on a friend level, she's one of the best there is. So I do not like fighting with Friend One. Because she will be my friend for life. But who the fuck actually dates someone like that? Her boyfriend. Who is older and makes good money and is sweet and mature. He's letting her move into his cute little trailer with him and he's been helping her raise her daughter for the past year.

What the fuck????

Then there is Friend Two. Who treats her amazingly awesome and sweet and funny and cute boyfriend like shit. And she flirts with her ex boyfriends who she has sexual tension with. And she's selfish and kind of bitchy and irritating at times. And if things don't go her way, she pouts and gets mad.

WHAT THE FUCK????


And those are just a couple out of a hundred other examples I could provide. And you know why they have cute and awesome and financially stable boyfriends? Because they're fucking pretty.
And in the world today, pretty means getting whatever the fuck you want.

Oh, what was that Mandy? You have brains and wit and you're not a clingy psycho bitch from hell? OH WELL. You're shit out of luck because you got royally jipped in the gene pool department.

Cool.

That's part of the reason I've been trying to lose weight. Because, lucky for me, I'm not completely hideous to look at, but I know that me being bigger has kept away a few guys. And when I say a few, I mean all of them. Here's the depressing part. I'm going to lose all of this weight and I'm gonna be looking all fine and shit, and a WHOLE BUNCH of guys will start showing interest. And then I'm going to have to remind myself that they're only interested BECAUSE I look good.
And that's not a great foundation for a sound and sturdy relationship.

Here's another good part. I don't even want what most girls want. Most girls want that fairy tale dream guy who will clean up after them and buy them shit and wine and dine them and woo them and be romantic and give them the world.

I just want a best friend who will be there for me and have sex with me once in awhile. haha. I want that guy who's not afraid to call me out on my bullshit. I want someone who likes being random and funny and obnoxious, but knows when to be sweet and serious. I just want to be told I'm pretty. And interesting. I just wanna hold hands and go for long walks and tell eachother everything.

I don't want a fairy tale. I don't want a dream wedding with a fucking lavish gown and a million people to show up and I don't want the spotlight on me and the gifts and the shit.

I just want a partner in crime.
And it's fucking depressing because all the good guys are already taken by psycho bitches with terrible personalities.
The world is a joke.