Partner In Crime

I suppose I should make myself perfectly clear before I come off as negative. I just want to say that I am not negative. I've actually only been negative for a short period in my life, and I am way past that period.

Here's the thing. I love being single. I love that I have no drama and no "commitment" and no bullshit. I love that I can do whatever I want when I want. I can flirt and giggle and do all of that shit and not have to feel guilty about it.

But I've been single for a long ass time.
And I seriously miss the feeling of being loved. And someone being there for me.

So, why don't you just go out and get a boyfriend, you ask? Yeah. You try it.

Now, I'm not saying that I'm fat or ugly or both, but let's just say that if guys really wanted your personality, then I'd have so many guys after me that I wouldn't even know what to do with myself. I'd probably just end up spinning around in circles and peeing everywhere. That kind of overwhelmed.

Because I have a great personality. I know this for a fact. I'm not a jealous person. I'm not clingy. I'm not confrontational. I've never been great at nagging. I'm not immature or stuck up or annoying or ridiculous, or any other of the fucked up traits that guys put up with in order to be with someone who is physically attractive.
I'm funny. I'm spontaneous. I don't have kids. I have a good job. I have my own car. I have a great family who supports me in every way. I have awesome friends who are just as equally awesome as my awesome family. I'm good with advice and listening and I'm just an all around big ball of fun in a basket.

So what the fuck?

Here's my favorite, "I wish I could date a girl like you."
         Uh....so fucking date me? You know I've been single for 80 years.

"I wish there were more girls like you. You have a good head on your shoulders."
         Uh....there's....me?....with a good head...on my shoulders.

"My girlfriend is so annoying. And she always wants to know what I'm doing and where I'm at and who I'm with. Why can't she just be chill like you?"
         UHHHH...I'M FUCKING CHILL YA DUMB FUCK.

So. There are just a few examples of idiots.
And yeah yeah. I know, I know. "If they can't see what a great catch you are then they don't deserve you."

Shut the fuck up. That's just something that people who are actually happy with someone say to someone who can't catch a great guy.

And then there are a couple of my friends. Who have the WORST personality traits and yet manage to find these awesome guys who are just ready to marry the fuck out of them.

We'll start with my one friend. We will call her Friend One. Original? I thought so too (:

Friend One has not graduated from high school. Therefore, she will never find an actual job (no offense). She will never make enough money to live super comfortably. Friend One has a terrible attitude and an even worse outlook on life and the world in general. She is naive, uneducated, and kind of bitchy. Now, I'm not talking shit. I'm just saying. There are certain things that I and Friend One do NOT talk about because it usually results in a huge fight and not talking for weeks. And on a friend level, she's one of the best there is. So I do not like fighting with Friend One. Because she will be my friend for life. But who the fuck actually dates someone like that? Her boyfriend. Who is older and makes good money and is sweet and mature. He's letting her move into his cute little trailer with him and he's been helping her raise her daughter for the past year.

What the fuck????

Then there is Friend Two. Who treats her amazingly awesome and sweet and funny and cute boyfriend like shit. And she flirts with her ex boyfriends who she has sexual tension with. And she's selfish and kind of bitchy and irritating at times. And if things don't go her way, she pouts and gets mad.

WHAT THE FUCK????


And those are just a couple out of a hundred other examples I could provide. And you know why they have cute and awesome and financially stable boyfriends? Because they're fucking pretty.
And in the world today, pretty means getting whatever the fuck you want.

Oh, what was that Mandy? You have brains and wit and you're not a clingy psycho bitch from hell? OH WELL. You're shit out of luck because you got royally jipped in the gene pool department.

Cool.

That's part of the reason I've been trying to lose weight. Because, lucky for me, I'm not completely hideous to look at, but I know that me being bigger has kept away a few guys. And when I say a few, I mean all of them. Here's the depressing part. I'm going to lose all of this weight and I'm gonna be looking all fine and shit, and a WHOLE BUNCH of guys will start showing interest. And then I'm going to have to remind myself that they're only interested BECAUSE I look good.
And that's not a great foundation for a sound and sturdy relationship.

Here's another good part. I don't even want what most girls want. Most girls want that fairy tale dream guy who will clean up after them and buy them shit and wine and dine them and woo them and be romantic and give them the world.

I just want a best friend who will be there for me and have sex with me once in awhile. haha. I want that guy who's not afraid to call me out on my bullshit. I want someone who likes being random and funny and obnoxious, but knows when to be sweet and serious. I just want to be told I'm pretty. And interesting. I just wanna hold hands and go for long walks and tell eachother everything.

I don't want a fairy tale. I don't want a dream wedding with a fucking lavish gown and a million people to show up and I don't want the spotlight on me and the gifts and the shit.

I just want a partner in crime.
And it's fucking depressing because all the good guys are already taken by psycho bitches with terrible personalities.
The world is a joke.

9 Days

Just nine. I can practically taste the air up north, that's how close I am to this vacation. I am absolutely so fucking excited. I can't even type properly. I've already corrected about eighteen spelling mistakes.

The only downside is now the time is going even slower. Although, this day has flown by pretty fast. It feels like a Friday and I was so excited because I thought I was getting paid. But it's just Thursday. And I'm not getting paid.

AHHHH. I can't take it.
On another note, I need to make a more serious blog post soon. I did it on tumblr, but I have so many followers on tumblr. So I feel like I'm pouring my heart out to a bunch of strangers and a couple close family members and friends. And it's weird because it's not really something I want to talk about to the whole world.

On here, the only person who is following me is Jamie, and I know I can tell that girl literally anything. So I don't mind if she reads it. And any other strays up in here reading my shit, that's cool too because I don't know you :) SO boom.

But yes. Excitement. Craziness. Not even close to prepared. Probably won't even be prepared ever. But who cares? Not this girl! :D

Oh, Brother!

Kenny can be mad at me all he wants. I know that brothers and sisters are supposed to "have one another s back" and all that good shit, and I'm down for that when it comes to certain things, but I'm not okay with him fucking around with a 14 year old. Especially since he just turned 18 two weeks ago. And especially not behind my dad's back in my father's house.

We have rules, as children. We have always had rules. And of course now that he's 18 he doesn't have a curfew or anything. But 18 is not an official ticket to just do whatever the fuck you want.

I like Cammie. She's a nice girl. I mean, I only met her once, but she was very sweet and respectful. However, messing around with an 18 year old guy you're not even dating is kind of...gross. I look at that as a person who has no respect for herself. Especially when you're like 14 or 15 and his parent(s) is/are not home.

As we get older, I'm starting to realize that my brother and I are two completely different people. I mean, obviously, since we are literally two different people, but it's almost like he's retained nothing. I made a lot of mistakes when I was younger. Between the ages of 13 and 17, I was a complete mess. I broke all the rules and did the bad things and got in trouble. And he was innocent little Kenny. And now the roles are completely reversed. Around 18 and 19, and especially after that, I grew up. I truly let right and wrong sink in and I try to deal with all life's situations maturely and open minded. I try to do the right thing and be respectful.

The only people who come into my house when my dad's not home are my friends. And I hardly ever have guys in the house when my dad isn't home. And even if I do have a guy in my house when my dad isn't home, he's not uderage and we aren't playing doctor with my bedroom door closed.

Kenny is really mad at me. And I feel bad for "tattling", but I really am just looking out for him. Sure, I could have talked to him myself, but will that really do any good? No. No 18 year old boy high and mighty on a newly found power trip wants to listen to the preaching words of his 22 year old sister. But I know for a fact that Cammie's parents don't like her hanging out with Kenny because of his age. And I know for a fact that if her parents ever found out that their just barely pubescent daughter was shacked up with her shorts at her ankles in my brother's non parental supervised house that they would more than likely press charges. And by pressing charges, that would make my only think with one head brother a sex offender. Which can pretty much ruin your entire life as you know it.

I mean, I don't even want to think about what would happen if he got her pregnant. Or pissed her off. Which, for those of you who don't know too many girls at that age, it's not too hard to piss them off.

I just wish he would think. He doesn't have any common sense, and if he does, he doesn't listen to it. At all. Which is a huge difference between us because I think about everything before I do it. Not just ponder it or swish it around inside my brain for a few minutes, I mean, I REALLY think about it.

For instance, I could have just called my dad on the spot yesterday when I walked in and saw Cammie's shoes at the front door. Or when my brother came out of his closed room just wearing basketball shorts. Or during any point in the brief conversation, especially when the words "I'm 18. What's dad going to say?" came out of my ever knowing little brother's mouth.

I asked him if they were having sex and he said, "No. I'm wearing shorts?" And I said, "Is Cammie wearing shorts?" And he said no.

But no. I didn't call my dad. I didn't tell on him right away. I thought it over. And I slept on it. And I thought everything through. The pros and cons of tattling.

And I decided, that as an adult, it would be in his best interest if my father knew and had a talk with him. Because Kenny just doesn't know how to fucking think.

So be mad all you want. I'm sure you'll be thankful when you make it past the age of 19 before you're a father. Or when you can actually get a decent job because you're NOT on the sex offenders list for the rest of your stupid ignorant life.

Phone Chats and Excitement

So Kenny is officially driving himself up. Him and Mike are taking Mike's car. Which means I get the iTrip :D  Only 24 days and then I leave (: I'm so excited I could pee myself right now. Or, that could just be the fact that I really really have to pee.

But anyway :D :D :D :D :D :D :D
I have so much I need to do before I go. I still need to find inner tubes to go down the river in. Although, I might just wanna skip out on going down the river altogether. It's just a really big headache. First we all have to drive to the drop off where we will be getting out of the river. Then there also has to be a person who isn't going down the river, which could end up being me, who will drive everyone to the starting point. Which takes a few trips. haha. And then the water is cold. And there are bugs that buzz in your ear (And if you know me at all, you'll know that is the number one thing that bugs the fuck outta me. I hate things buzzing in my ear with a passion. It's annoying and it tickles and I want no part in it.). And there are big pokey sticks that stick out of the water and poke you in the asshole...if you're not careful. I don't know. Just a hassle. And everybody gets drunk and sings and there are always the couple few who are so drunk and focused on waking up every single animal with their dying cat-like voices, that they end up falling into the water and screaming for help like their life is over. And it's so weird because if you have to pee you just have to do it right then and there. In your bathing suit. In the inner tube. In the river. haha.

So maybe I will skip out on all that jazz. All I know is I am swimming and relaxing and drinking all of those days away. I might take a break for the parade, but start up again for the fireworks. I just can't wait to sleep whenever I want and relax. I don't even know. It's going to be heaven.

I think I'll leave Fife on the 5th. Drop Alex off at home. And then be on my way to lovely Pennsylvania to see Miss Jamie!! And the lovely little Nate (: I'm so excited to meet them <3 It's going to be amazing :)

That's really all I have on the update. I need to talk to Jamie about this ASAP. But she's a flake when it comes to our phone chats <3 :P

26 Days

Exactly 26 days until Alex and I leave for up north. It's so close I can't even stand it. 26 days fly by pretty fast these days.

And 32 days until I see/meet Jamie! :D Probably even more excited for that.

Ahhhhh. This whole month needs to move it's ass.