I'm a bit of an emotional wreck lately. I have a million things to do before I leave in a month, and I don't even know where to begin. My brother's last day of high school is today, and I'm emotional about that. Because he goes to college in the fall. And even though he'll still be at home, it still makes me sad. Because each day is one step closer when he'll move out. Or I'll move out. And we won't live together anymore. And I'm scared that if we don't live together, we'll barely talk or see eachother. And I'm just not so sure I'm ready for something like that. He lives with me now and we barely talk or see eachother because of our conflicting schedules and our crazy social lives.
Bailey is driving me insane. He's a psycho. I love him to death, and he's the cutest dog ever, but he's so much work. Little dogs are so needy and in your face. The only time during the day that I have even the slightest privacy is when I take a shower or take a shit. And that's only because Bailey is absolutely terrified of the bathroom because he thinks I'll give him a bath if he goes in. Yet, me being in there by myself doesn't stop him from waiting outside the door and sniffing under it every five seconds. He follows me everywhere. If I move, he moves with me. It's ridiculous.
I'm still taking him to work with me because I have this ridiculous paranoid thought that if I leave him home, him and Gizmo will get into a huge fight and she'll end up cornering him by the basement stairs and he won't know what to do and he'll end up falling down the stairs and breaking all of his short little stubby puppy legs. I know, I'm insane. But if she were to corner him, that is what will happen. And it's not impossible. Especially because Gizmo terrifies him. She's already cut his nose with her stupid sharp little bitchy cat claws.
I'm just tired. I don't really have any plans this weekend, and I like that. I'm so sick of spending all of my money. And if I'm out with people, that's what we do. We spend my money.
That's another thing. I love Alex. She's so much fun to hang out with. And people think it's so weird that I hang out with her because she's 16, but she's not drama. She's totally chill. And all of my friends have kids. Do you know how boring it is to spend time with your friends and their babies? And I'm not joking, ALL of my friends have kids. Julie has a 6 month year old and another one on the way. Brittany has a one year old. The other Brittany has a one year old. Shell has a three year old. Jen has a 7 month year old. It's just ridiculous. And then all of my other friends have jobs and school and boyfriends, so I only see them a couple times a month. So Alex is a breath of fresh air. She just happens to be young and doesn't understand how hard I work for my money. And that money doesn't grow on trees. But her parents hand her literally everything she wants, like most teens and children these days, so of course she doesn't understand how money isn't so easy to come by. So when we hang out, she always wants to be out and doing things, which I don't have a problem with, but it's usually something that consists of spending money. And she never has any on her, conveniently, so it consists of spending MY money.
And then, when I want to just stay home for a day, she bitches and complains about it like I'm being a bad person. And I know she means well, I hope, but it's just so fucking irritating. And I hope she doesn't mean it this way, but it makes me feel used. And I don't like feeling used. I've been used before and it sucks.
So I HAD money saved. And now I barely have any money saved. And I need to start all over again because I do want to pay my dad back and move out sometime before I'm 30. The good news is it's almost June. Which marks the anniversary of 8 years at my job. Which means I will be going up to 12 dollars an hour. Hooray! Now I'm making only 50 cents less than the technician who's only been working here for 8 months. Sweet justice. haha.
And now this entire post has turned into me bitching.
I need my vacation. Like now. A month is just not close enough.
Fuck.
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