Just Life

I suppose at some points during your life, you should slowly realize that discontentment with yourself will be inevitable.
You will feel lonely and uninvited. You will feel out of place and out of body.
It’s not so much the teenaged angst “no one understands what I’m going through” sort of experience; More like a familiar reminder that life isn’t always up.
Friends won’t always be there.
You won’t always have plans.
Some days you will feel tired and down.
Sort of apathetic and distant.
Your reflection in the mirror won’t be what you want to see.
Even your own voice may get deep under your skin.
You might make a keen observation as to how ordinarily boring you seem.
Or maybe that deep unwanted feeling.
Perhaps, you’ll notice how everyone around you seems happier and better off.
Solution :
Cry a little. Cry a lot. Cry loud. Sob deeply. It feels good.
Remember that “this too, shall pass”.
Take a deep breath and remind yourself that there is only one you in this world.
Take a moment to understand that despite how you feel, you ARE important.
You ARE beautiful.
You are WORTH it.
Keep moving.
Keep working.
Smile harder.
Laugh louder.
You’ll be just fine.
It’s just a rut.
It’s just a phase.
It’s just life.

Realizing Ordinary

The realization that you're just ordinary is probably the most perplexing feeling. Because you're not weird or unique or intriguing. No one is curious about you. You're just merely there and that's all you'll ever be.

You have no secret hidden talents or special qualities that set you apart from anybody else. You're just ordinary and no one really cares about that. No one wishes to know more about you. You don't fascinate or capture anyone's attention.

I was happier when I thought I was weird. I was happier when I thought I had people's attention. I liked feeling like, even though it wasn't a lot of people, at least some people were interested in knowing me.

Lately, no one is interested in knowing me. No one calls me. No one really talks to me. No one invites me to do anything. All of my "friends" have moved on with their lives. And I'm just stuck here. Being ordinary and boring and pointless.

There is really no specific reason I am here. I'm just here. Wasting oxygen. Going about my day. Going through my daily routines of nothing important. Waking up. Working. Going home. Sleeping. Waking up. Working. Going home. Sleeping. Eating dinner. Watching a movie. Smoking a cigarette.

The only person in this world who even makes me feel good is Bailey. And Bailey is a dog. And as amazing and adorable as he is, I'm afraid to say that I don't think he counts for much.

So that's it. The realization that you're ordinary. My original point. It's a very lonely feeling. It's a feeling so lonely that I find myself laying in bed at night, for hours, just wondering what's the point of even being on this earth. What is my purpose? Why the fuck am I even here? I have no purpose. There is no point to my existence. I'm just an ordinary, boring, useless person.

I'm not funny. I'm not pretty. I'm not smart. I'm not skinny. I'm not interesting. I'm not unique. I'm not witty. I'm talentless. I offer absolutely nothing to planet earth, or the other almost 7 billion people who populate it.

I've never been so discontent with myself in my entire life.

What.

I'm going to be 23 next month.
It feels weird, because when I was younger, I could never comprehend being an adult.
I always thought I was some weird breed of human, and that I would never grow up or get older.

Here I am. grown up and older. And still growing up and getting older.

I'm afraid that I'm going to wake up, 30 years old and nothing accomplished. I feel that way sometimes. Unaccomplished. I really can't think of anything that I've done to better my life or the world. I feel like I have nothing to show for it.

I guess there are worse things in life than being unaccomplished.

Hey, at least I'm not in jail?