Stupid Life

I am in a terrible mood today. It's the worst mood ever. I'm just cranky and I have a lot on my mind.

The thing about bad moods is, they are no fun. Not just for the person in them, but for everyone around the person in the bad mood. It's just a bunch of negative energy that takes up all the space around people. So in an attempt to make myself feel a little better, like I at least TRIED to push away the negative energy, I will name all the good things in my life right now.

GOOD THINGS IN MY LIFE :

1. Bailey. Bailey is the cutest dog in the entire world. His face makes me smile, even when he does bad things and is in trouble. Bailey is a good thing in my life.

2. We are moving offices. Now, moving is never fun. BUT, in this case, it is. The reason why is because I will, for the first time in a long time, have my own office to myself again :D I miss that. I had my own office briefly way way back when I first started working there. Then I shared an office with the other office ladies, but my dad was in that office a lot, so it wasn't really my own. Our landlord at our current office raised our rent in a really shady way, so my Dad decided enough is enough. We found a cute building with a LOT of potential. Lexey's mom is doing the painting. And I even got to pick out the colors for my office :D I'll be sharing an office with Ann, but I don't mind because I love Ann. And right now, Ann is only working on Saturdays. But even if she does come back full time, I have no issues with sharing an office with her. I love Ann.

3. Ann. She is awesome. She is an amazing part of my life.

4. I'm alive. This is always a good thing. I decided to put this here, because I am thankful for life. Also, I ran out of good things to list. I literally cannot think of any more good things.

5. I lied. My bed. My bed is probably the best thing. We'll pretend I said my bed first as number one. I could spend eternity in this bed.

6. I had Chinese food for dinner and it was delicious.


So there you have it. Six really good things I have in my life right now. My dog. Moving offices. Ann. Life. My bed. And Chinese food. Sounds pretty solid.

Let's talk about all the bad things in my life. This should be fun. Bringing back the negative energy here :P

BAD THINGS IN MY LIFE :

1. Moving offices. I know. I know. I said this was a good thing, and it is in it's own way. But overall, like I said, moving is no fun. It's going to be tedious and annoying and there's so much to do in preparation. I will not be content until I am settled. Moving is just stressful. And the last thing I need right now is more stress.

2. My dad. He's been such a jerk lately. I know he's stressed out at work and at the techs and there are some things going on with my brother right now that he's not too happy about, but unfortunately, he takes all of that out on me. And that's not okay. Because that's just added extra stress. That I really don't need. That being said, I can't wait to move out. And I've been trying really hard to save up all of my money because I have found some really cute opportunities.

3. My mom is dying. I hate saying it. I hate typing it. I hate even thinking it. But it's true. She was diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis a little over a year ago, and has been undergoing chemo therapy and all sorts of other things that scare the shit out of me. My mom and I have never been super close, but we've gotten a lot closer these last few years and, well, she is my mom. I just hate seeing how much pain she is in. I also hate that just because she's in pain, that she treats my little sister like shit. She's ten. Sick or not, she still really needs her mom. That's about all I can say on the subject. It just makes me more sad when I think about it too deeply.

4. My brother. I love him to death, but he's really fucking up lately. He quit school and he's really into acid and shrooms and weed and who knows what else. And it pisses me off because he acts like it's completely normal to be fucked up all the time. Which, I guess it is for some people, but I have another word for people like that; losers. And I hate to say it, but my brother has turned into a real loser. He hasn't seen my mom or my sister in months. He's never home. He's always with his girlfriend and his friends getting high. He works and stuff, but he's pretty much given up on his entire future. He'll tell you he isn't or hasn't, but this road isn't a great one. It's not one that you "do well" on.

5. So lonely. I literally talk to nobody. All of my friends are super busy with shit and I'm pretty busy too, but I mainly don't want to spend money. And it turns out that whenever it comes to my friends and being social, I go through money like it's nothing. So this is part my fault and part theirs. Also, they all have kids. And kids are great and everything, but I can sit at home and do nothing. I'd rather do that than go to your house and do it while also having a child screaming for your attention every half second. It gets too much. AND JAMIE, IF YOU'RE READING THIS, THIS DOESN'T INCLUDE YOU. Nathen is not a baby or a toddler. He's a child and he was very good at self entertainment most of the time. I loved sitting at your house and doing nothing. It's probably my favorite house to do that at :)

6. I'm just really sick of my routine. I want something new in my life. I don't know what it is, but I know I'm missing something. I feel it.

I guess the only thing I can do right now is just focus on what I have in mind for myself. And just take everything else in stride. Sometimes that's just life, and sometimes life isn't so great. But I'm alive I guess that's more than some people can say?

That sounds so stupid.